Remember I told you there are things about Raj that exasperate me no end? That sometimes, I think I'll suffocate and die if I have to live with him? Well, today's post is about one such thing that sets us miles apart from each other ideologically - Religion. I grew up in Mumbai and my parents, though religious and believers in Jainism (that's right, my family is Jain, what I would call the OPPOSITE of Islam), are not really much of practitioners. They go to the temple once a fortnight on an average and we do some religious stuff during festivals. But in general, we are pretty chilled out. And since I grew up in Mumbai - one of the most cosmopolitan city of India, I am more like, I believe in God. But not in religion. Religion is man-made. God exists, whatever form you choose to worship Him (or Her - being politically correct :P) in.
Raj, on the other hand, grew up in a very religious Muslim environment. He also can not mention it enough times - he is not just a born Muslim. He chose Islam after studying all the different religions. While I always take this with a pinch of salt, (I mean, come on, he couldn't have studied everything there is to know about all the religions. He didn't even know what Jainism is!) it is still true that at least he has a lot of knowledge about Christianity, Judaism and a bit about Hinduism. So, he has chosen his religion by his own free will. But that doesn't make any difference at all. He is still very staunchly a Muslim. And this is the root cause of a lot of our disagreements, arguments and even full-blown fights.
That is why I am very scared of how it will be to live with him. I have thought more than is necessary about what's the point of sustaining a relationship over the internet for over a year if you already know that you won't be able to live in that kind of environment. Staunch religion is not for me. Even if it was someone Jain or Hindu or any other religion that I'm familiar with, I would still not be okay with someone insisting that his religion is the only "true" religion in the world. Because I don't think he has any rights or authority to decide that! And if and when I have children, I most definitely don't want them growing up to follow only one religion or believe that there can be only one way of life or only one true religion. So, all this is going to be a BIG problem if and when we start living together.
How, then, are we going to resolve this? Why are we going ahead with this even after knowing one of the biggest problems we'll have to face eventually? What if we don't get around to any solutions? What if we end up hurting each other so much that it's irreparable? There are so many what ifs in this relationship. But we are still in it. We have talked and talked and talked. We have tried to find ways around most of the big problems we shall have to face eventually if it works out. We are both very firm on certain things. Like, I won't ever convert to Islam for him. Nor would I let my (our :P) children be brought up as Muslims. But then again, I also trust him to never ask that of me. He knows how I feel about most things. He won't ever ask me to do something I don't believe in. And I, on the other hand, have been trying to understand Islam for him so that I'd know what to expect in certain situations. I've been trying not to resent it too much when sometimes he gives more importance to religion than to me. I don't deny that I'm possessive and I want his attention all the time. But, since I would never let a thing like religion ever affect anything important in my life, I find it difficult to understand that it is so important for him that he absolutely needs to find ways to accommodate every single action of his in the framework of Islam. But we are trying. And since we feel so deeply for each other, I know we will keep trying. So, even if this doesn't work out (there are not many chances of that, but well, we can't deny it's a possibility,) we know that we would have tried better than the best we could have tried before giving up.
We both exasperate each other - me with my cynicism, him with his chauvinism and religiousness. But we still love each other. So. Very. Much. :D
No comments:
Post a Comment