Singledom v/s Couplehood

I'm sure a lot of you have read those "Reasons to be single" or "Reasons to be in a relationship" type of articles in Sunday newspaper suppliments countless times. I know I have. And today, when it looks like I may be in a relationship for good, I had a moment of panic a few days ago. Panic that I'm letting my singlehood, my freedom slip by and watch it go away. I'd never again be able to simply dress up and go to a night club just to chill out and check out the boys all by myself, never be able to flirt (oh yes, this one hurts the most! :P) It just plain scares me that I'd have to consider someone else while making the smallest of the decisions. I might have to adapt to new things and more importantly, let go of some things. Never before has my single self revolted so fiercely against change. Maybe it knows it's going to be permanent. I wish I knew! I am all the while expressing doubts about my relationship but it seems every other fibre in my body sort-of knows it's different this time. (Otherwise, it'd never have been presented with a blog of it's own. It's a diary for our love - to read and remember when we are old. and laugh at ourselves! :P) That's why they are revolting. Not wanting my strong single, independent woman self to change or become dependent on some one person.

On the other hand, it feels nice. Nice to have someone, nice to know someone cares, nice to sleep with a soft smile on your face knowing someone is thinking of you and wishing you were there, nice to cuddle (though I can't actually do it at the moment, pillows are my and Raj's friends. :P) nice to have sweet nothings whispered in your ear, nice to have a bit of romance in my life. I was away for a few days and had no contact with Raj whatsoever. And I actually enjoyed that sensation of missing someone specific. Not just some random vague person, whom you have not met yet but who should be with you. But a specific, special person whose presence would make everything so much better and different. Aching for your boyfriend is so much different from aching for a boyfriend!

I hope I can find a balance between my single, independent woman self and my coupled, loving girlfriend who wants to be with her boyfriend all the time self. I love both of them immensely and wouldn't want to lose either one of them.