He is my Raj. The knight-in-shining-armour-who-comes-on-a-white-horse kind of Raj. Not that I need rescuing from anything apart from my own cynical self. But well, in a sense, he did that, didn't he? He rescued me from my own cynical self. He made me believe that there are people who could and who would love selflessly. And more importantly, he made me believe that I am capable of that sort of love. Unlike I thought, I am willing to compromise, to let go of some very strong beliefs of mine, meet him half-way to try and make this work. Mostly, I used to think that if I compromise or sacrifice for someone else, I wouldn't be myself then. I'd be changing myself for someone else - something that I'm staunchly opposed to. And I know he wouldn't want me to change for him. But I still know that whenever the need arises, I'd be willing to compromise and that's a good thing to know about yourself. Therefore, even though he is not saving me from the big, bad world or the ugly, mean witch, he is still my Raj.
Whenever I discussed this relationship with my friend, she used to say, "This is commitment, Vee." And I would fight it, not accepting the most obvious thing in the world. I used to wait for a "friend" to meet me and chat with me online and then, talk to him for about 2-3 hours daily. But not accept that this is commitment. If that's not commitment, I'd like to know what is!
However, in the last few weeks, we have been talking about the relationship, the future and in general, we have been having the where-is-this-going talks. They started mostly with me saying, "This doesn't make sense. There is no future and we are not even physically close to maybe check it out or even to simply enjoy each other's company and have fun. Why are we in this "relationship"?" And so, we've been talking and of course, he loves me so much that he'd be willing to do anything for me! Anything, my rat's ass! Well, not that I told him that. But, being the cynic that I am, his romantic statements mostly evoke these practical, rational responses in me. Anyhoooo, going back to "the talks", we have decided that we will do whatever it takes to make this relationship work. Which is all fine now. And again, which will be all fine when we are together in England. But then, there will come a time when a formal announcement will have to be made. The time when we'll have to tell our parents. When, he'll have to tell his parents that he wants to spend the rest of his life with a non-Muslim, not-very-religious, Indian girl, who loves her freedom, drinks alcohol and wears strappy, short dresses (not that they need to know ALL of these things - just the nationality and the religion would be enough.) And when I'll have to tell my parents that I want to marry a religious Pakistani Muslim boy. The thought of how our parents would react breaks a cold sweat on my forehead. Boy, they are not going to be happy!
If our relationship ever reaches that point where we are physically together and ready to plunge into a very serious committed relationship - marriage, then, we both know that we'd have to go through a lot of ordeals before everyone will happily bless us. And even thinking about it sometimes makes me wonder if it's even worth it. But then, Raj always comes to my rescue and I am sure again that it in fact, IS worth it. After all, that's the job of all these knights-in-shining-armours types, right? ;)
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