Singledom v/s Couplehood

I'm sure a lot of you have read those "Reasons to be single" or "Reasons to be in a relationship" type of articles in Sunday newspaper suppliments countless times. I know I have. And today, when it looks like I may be in a relationship for good, I had a moment of panic a few days ago. Panic that I'm letting my singlehood, my freedom slip by and watch it go away. I'd never again be able to simply dress up and go to a night club just to chill out and check out the boys all by myself, never be able to flirt (oh yes, this one hurts the most! :P) It just plain scares me that I'd have to consider someone else while making the smallest of the decisions. I might have to adapt to new things and more importantly, let go of some things. Never before has my single self revolted so fiercely against change. Maybe it knows it's going to be permanent. I wish I knew! I am all the while expressing doubts about my relationship but it seems every other fibre in my body sort-of knows it's different this time. (Otherwise, it'd never have been presented with a blog of it's own. It's a diary for our love - to read and remember when we are old. and laugh at ourselves! :P) That's why they are revolting. Not wanting my strong single, independent woman self to change or become dependent on some one person.

On the other hand, it feels nice. Nice to have someone, nice to know someone cares, nice to sleep with a soft smile on your face knowing someone is thinking of you and wishing you were there, nice to cuddle (though I can't actually do it at the moment, pillows are my and Raj's friends. :P) nice to have sweet nothings whispered in your ear, nice to have a bit of romance in my life. I was away for a few days and had no contact with Raj whatsoever. And I actually enjoyed that sensation of missing someone specific. Not just some random vague person, whom you have not met yet but who should be with you. But a specific, special person whose presence would make everything so much better and different. Aching for your boyfriend is so much different from aching for a boyfriend!

I hope I can find a balance between my single, independent woman self and my coupled, loving girlfriend who wants to be with her boyfriend all the time self. I love both of them immensely and wouldn't want to lose either one of them.

Love is coming! ;) :P

For some reason, I'm feeling too much lowe today. You know, Raj pe bohot pyaar aa raha hai - Love is coming! ;) So, I'm going to tell you a story that he told me yesterday. :P


Once upon a time, long long ago [not really, he exaggerates :P] there lived an [apparently quite stupid but hey, it's his story, who am I to change things? :P] boy named Raj in Pakistan. He used to play a stupid game on Facebook because he didn't have much else to do. And he was quite proud of it as well. He was one of the first players when they had just launched the game. So, he has even seen that game evolve over a long period of time! [huh?!! :P] But one day sometime in November last year, he met this girl from India. And the first sentence he said to her was, "Oh, I'm from This city. The one which is always in Indian media for all the wrong reasons. ;)" And the girl laughed. Silly girl! Didn't she know the rule of "hasi toh phasi"? :P But he didn't think much about it. He met lots of people everyday. However, he did like talking to her more purely because they both spoke the same language. And it indeed is a good thing to find someone who speaks the same language. I guess linguistic bonds are stronger than a lot of other bonds! :P 


Anyhooo, they started talking more frequently in the following days. They both loved old Bollywood songs and Urdu gazals. That was what really founded their friendship. They would both share videos and introduce each other to a lot of different songs which the other didn't know. Gradually they began talking about their lives and discussing the similarities and differences of each other's cultures. They were both similar enough to understand everything but still different enough to keep each other interested. Apparently, they used to talk about food a lot. Raj then introduced Vee (for that's her name!) to a special dish from This city that he lives in. But what he didn't know was that Vee was a vegetarian (still is, by the way.) So, Vee told him that it all looked very nice (just being polite, you see) but that she advocates vegetarianism. And Raj, for some weird reason, thought that she should have been offended but wasn't. That impressed him a lot. [I'm not complaining, am I? :P] And so, they kept talking about food, customs, dressing codes and conducts, politics etc. But one day, they broached the topic of religion. And not the first few days, but soon, all hell broke loose! They had very very very different ideas. Radically opposite to each other. Did the friendship falter? Not really, not that either of them can remember of. Though Raj was once again very impressed by Vee because she would ask him questions about things he used to take for granted. He felt grateful to Vee for making him dig deeper into his own religion and understand certain things better. And as for Vee, well, she, being a Humanities student, has always been very interested in things like this. So, they considered this as healthy discussions and debates about a slightly controversial topic. 


Somewhere in between all of this though, Raj fell "madly in love" with Vee. Vee took some time but, eventually she came around too. Now, they still talk about all the things they used to before. Somehow, neither do they get bored nor do they run out of things to say. Crazy, eh? :P Oh, and 3rd September was apparently quite special for them. Who knows why?!! Seeing as that they haven't even met each other yet, it's weird to think that, no? Ah, well, these two are quite stupid anyway. So, must be some silly inside joke! :P Oh, and I almost forgot, "they lived happily ever after." [You read it right. That's exactly what he said.]


Ok, so, Raj's story is over and I'm back. Why, that was an interesting story Raj, thank you! Here is my version (Yes, I'm feeling a bit mush today. I'll be back to my usual self soon!) of the story:

Ek Din Aap Yoon Humko Mil Jayenge
Phool Hi Phool Raahon Mein Khil Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha
Ek Din Zindagi Itni Hogi Haseen
Jhoomega Aasmaan Gaayegi Ye Zameen
Maine Socha Na Tha

Dil Ki Daali Pe Kaliyaan Si Khilne Lagin
Jab Nigaahein Nigaahon Se Milne Lagin
Dil Ki Daali Pe Kaliyaan Si Khilne Lagin
Jab Nigaahein Nigaahon Se Milne Lagin
Ek Din Is Tarah Hosh Kho Jayenge
Paas Aaye To Madhosh Ho Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha







Ek Din Zindagi Itni Hogi Haseen
Jhoomega Aasmaan Gaayegi Ye Zameen
Maine Socha Na Tha
Jagamagati Hui Jaagti Raat HaiRaat Hai Ya Sitaaron Ki Baraat Hai
Jagamagati Hui Jaagti Raat Hai
Raat Hai Ya Sitaaron Ki Baraat Hai
Ek Din Dil Ki Raahon Mein Apne Liye
Jal Uthenge Mohabbat Ke Itne Diye
Maine Socha Na Tha

Maine Socha Na Tha
Maine Socha Na Tha.

How? When? What?!!!

Today, I'm just mostly feeling amazed at how did this ever happen? I mean, I did what?!! Fell in love with somebody I met over the internet in spite of knowing that we might not even be able to ever meet each other? But, I suppose I have talked about that too much. Yes, nothing is certain. Yes, this is insane. But at the same time, yes, we love each other.

What I'm amazed at is the extent of my love. Never did I think I had it in me to be able to love someone so much, to be able to trust someone so much. Even when I have met people, I haven't trusted them easily. But with Raj, something tells me it'll all be just fine. I could trust him with my life. Am I being stupid? What if he disappears suddenly? What if all this is just some joke/ fun/ timepass for him? What if he goes back to his ex-girlfriend because she is much prettier, nearer and most importantly, a Muslim, someone his family would approve of? Or what if he caves under the family pressure and just gets married to someone his parents choose for him? What if everything just falls apart? I am used to being the cynic. So, these questions just keep popping up in my mind. I know the answers to all of these questions. I know none of these things will happen. That's how much I trust him. I KNOW that these are just my insecurities, that these things will never happen. It still doesn't stop me from feeling insecure time and again. But the point is that even after all these possibilities pop up in my head, I know they are stupid and irrational fears. I totally and completely trust him to never break my heart. In fact, I'm more scared some day, I might break his heart. But not him.

Anyway, coming back to the topic, I don't know how and when did this happen. But he is my first thought on waking up and my last thought before going to sleep. I have shed all my inhibitions and completely given myself up to these sensations and feelings I have about him. I love him so very much, so very dearly. And I know every single one of my emotion is reciprocated with equal ardour. Of course all is not rosy and lovely. There are innumerable times when he has exasperated me no end, when I have been sure I would just suffocate and die if I have to live with him. There are many many many things on which we disagree and where both of us will have to compromise. And I'm afraid we might lose this magic and this love when that time comes. But these doubts and uncertainties will have to wait until another day, another post and hopefully, another lifetime. :P Because I want to enjoy this life with Raj, completely free of stress and doubts.

When Harry met Sally...

It was one of the silliest ways to meet. It would seem that both of us were the most jobless and pathetic people in the world. But well, the truth remains that that's how we met. We met on a game on Facebook. One of those things where you seek out people playing the same game so that you can increase your number of friends, neighbours, clan people, citizens et al. There are chat-rooms in this game, where you could meet people and make friends. We would hang out with each other and a bunch of other people in these chat-rooms, our avtaars cackling away at each others' jokes. Therefore, soon we decided we wanted to be friends, in the real sense of the term, rather than just add each other for the sake of increasing the game points.

Are you judging us? You may. I probably would judge somebody if they told me this is how they met. But I can't deny it. This is our story. We met when we were both completely free, with nothing to do on our hands and completely bored. But we gradually became very good friends. You know, when you meet someone online, and you know that they are never actually going to collide with you anywhere in your life, you lose all your inhibitions. You talk as if nothing bothers you. You share your secrets because you know it's not going to make any difference if this stranger knows them. You probably assume that this will fizzle out after sometime, just like so many other of your internet friendships have. We both did the same thing. Except, we didn't expect to become such good friends and understand each other so much. We used to even wait for each other everyday, wait so that we can chat and tell each other how was our day, what did we do, what did we eat, if anything special happened that day. And then, the conversation would slowly go on to some things we might have done in our pasts, anecdotes from each other's lives, dreams and hopes for the future, embarrassments, achievements, everything. We still never ran out of things to say to each other. We would still wait for each other to turn up online. And if any of us wasn't able to make it, we would leave a message explaining that because we knew that the other person would be waiting for us.

Naturally, this friendship meant something important and gradually became more than mere friendship. It is the nature of things, I think. He told me he had a crush on me quite soon after we started chatting. I didn't know what to say. I think I said "Thank you." or some such inadequate response. But, even though I liked him, I had never thought that it could ever be a relationship. Mostly because: He is a Pakistani. I am an Indian. I am living in the UK. I am going to go back to India after I finish my studies. And most importantly, I had never met him. It was an online friendship. The thing that I never expect to last for too long. So, we left it at that and never brought it up again for another 4 months or so.

But the chatting, the friendship and the relationship continued growing. There were always "I love you"s uttered at the end of conversations and a conversation without hugs and  kisses smileys was rare. But we were still friends. Friends say these things to each other, don't they? Finally, there came a point where none of us could pretend any more. We had fallen for each other. I don't remember who said it to whom first and frankly, I don't care. Because, finally, both of us were ready enough. I am the cynic and he is the romantic. That is probably why it took me so long to accept it. And even today, I have moments of doubt and uncertainty. For how long will this long-distance, internet relationship survive after all? But, I suppose, we'll work it out. We have been trying and doing it for the last few months now. I guess we can do it for one more year, can't we?